Brief update

1) Im getting my computer back today!

2) My camera would be too much to repair, so I bought a new one and my parents are shipping it to me.

3) Im going to Cirque du Soleil on Friday with Alex and Molly.

4) I LOVE my new friends here, especially Molly and Alex. Norway in less than 2 weeks!

5) It looks like Ill be flying back to the states on July 17 with Adam. We'll be landing in SFO and Ill fly back to SoCal probably within a week. I am SO excited for our summer plans. Im living on an Israeli commune, exploring the rest of Israel and Tel Aviv, and going to Amsterdam, Prague, and Barcelona. Come the fuck on. What a dream.

I fell in love with the girl at the rock show

I went to Stonehenge and Bath. It was sweet. Then I had the best Indian food of my life and got drunk legally some more.

I should get my computer back in the next few days. When that happens, I will cry tears of joy.

Justin and Adam- I love you more than you will ever know. You make me feel loved and appreciated unlike anyone else ever has.

My new friends make me happy, especially Alex and Molly. The new pictures on facebook make me happy too.

Im going to Norway soon :-/

I CANNOT WAIT FOR SARA TO GET HERE!!!!!!

I'm just a no-class beat-down fool

I'm um going to Norway. Thats what happens when an impulsive person gets drunk with impulsive friends and a credit card on her. And now for the part of this thats just for me: confirmation # A7DUBV. I need to call them and correct my contact info. That also happens when you reserve a flight drunk. Sigh.

I found a drug dealer today.

I <3 my life.

I'm going to Wichita

Things that make today better than the last few days:

A) My throat is feeling better! I got pain pills and antibiotics from the doctor yesterday, thank god.

B) It SNOWED last night!!! I woke up at 5am and I could hardly believe it. As you all know, I've never been in falling snow before. It was so amazing. On the way to class this morning it was all picturesque. Unfortunately, there wasnt enough left for snow angels (sorry J. Bo, Ill do that later!).

C) After class I went to this adorable French cafe on my block and got the most AMAZING muffin and mocha. I took it to the gardens outside Kensington Palace and sat down for some nice alone time. It was the first time I felt at home here in London the way I really do in Berkeley when Im walking around campus. I just felt so completely content.

D) I got to see St. Paul's and the Museum of London. That place is SO impressive and I can't wait to take Sara there. She is going to love it. AND I convinced my friends to come with me on a search for the little park at the beginning of Closer where Natalie Portman's character steals her name from the memorials... and we found it! I took a picture with the plaque right where they stood. *swoon*

E) Two-for-one drinks at Giraffe tonight. Enough said.

24 days until Sara gets here!!
29 days until Kelley is here!
58 days until Adam is here!

This is probably the happiest Ive been here yet. Yay.

I never conquered when you came

Classes started yesterday. So far, the survey:

Travel Writing- seems easyish. I have it with Alex, so it shouldnt be too bad. Lots of reading, but what Ive done of it so far is interesting. We end up writing our own mini-travel writing, which I think is exciting.

History of London- the teacher didnt show up. She emailed us a syllabus though. I am SO excited for the trips we're going on every week, but also pretty scared about what appears to be a rather intense reading load. Alex is also in this class.

Comparative History of the US and UK- I didnt know this, but apparently it focuses on the Irish diaspora. The teacher seems nice, he straight up said that hell excuse us from class and give us extensions if we email him ahead of time. Also, we spend a whole week looking at Irish drinking culture. Come on.

I still have to go to Art in Context, which I am totally excited about. And I'm dropping my fifth class. It looked like it was going to suck and I simply didnt want to deal with that.

In more exciting news, I bought 3 tickets to see Avenue Q when Sara and Kelley are here in February. I found an amazing deal so I got them for the first row of the balcony. We should have the best seats of life.

Seriously though, I went to the doctor and I have strep throat. I got antibiotics and shit, but it still hurts for now. I slept for 12 hours last night and I was still tired. By the time I walk up to my room I usually need a little napper. I am SO pathetic.

Which segues nicely into my latest concern. I feel like Im not really building relationships that matter to me here. Like, Im not necessarily lonely. I spend my time around people. But I dont really feel that those people are essential to me in the way that my friends at home or at school are. We get along and I enjoy their company, but Im just as happy alone for the most part. Very weak. Something I will figure out with time.

And to either Kelley or Adam- thanks for the comment on that last post. Ass.

Smile like you mean it

Oh, emotional turmoil. How I seem to love it. Or at least, how I seem to get embroiled in it frequently. I've come to a few realizations (after one breakdown and several conversations with the people I love).

A) This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. While I have to understand that its an adjustment, I also have to trust that Im going to be just fine. More than fine, Im going to have the time of my life. So cry if I need to, but then make the best of where I am and what Im doing.

B) My friends will be waiting for me in Berkeley when I get back. And those that arent will be talking to me plenty. I cant ruin this experience by wishing they were here. In the words of someone very wise, I need to learn to share this experience with myself. Im usually pretty good at that, so Ive just gotta hone the skills.

C) Any ridiculous feelings that Im having right now are born completely of confusion and a sense of displacement. My friends OBVIOUSLY love me. They OBVIOUSLY miss me. I do not need to feel like they matter more to me than I do to them. Not only does that not matter, but its an unfounded fear. I need to remember that.

In other news, I think I have strep throat. My tonsils are massive and white and swallowing=torture. Nurse tomorrow. Argh. I like to think of this as sweet revenge on the shady mofo I made out with the other night. Ha.

Now shes guilt-striken, sobbing with her head on the floor

Last night I got super drunk. Definitely havent been like that in a while. As J. Bo would say, it was a running home kinda night. Except by running I mean blindly following my friends as they lead me on a maze of trains, buses, and alleys. We pregamed, went to a pub (where I mostly talked to Sara and Kelley on the phone), and went to a club in Piccadilly Circus.

In typical Jordan fashion, I was FUCKED by the time we got there. I dont even remember how much the cover was but Im sure it was insane. Despite this, I opted to order a double shot of vodka and down it without a chaser. What is wrong with me? Then I started dancing with a man... he was not ugly, but he wasnt adorable either. I think he was kinda old. To be honest, I didnt really get a good look at him. But I sure did make out with him like a BEAST. I cant imagine what we looked like. That man kept shoving my hands down his pants and was literally just humping me on the dance floor. Thank god my friends rescued me.

After my rescue, I just wanted to go home, so we did. On the way we got some McDonalds and ate it in a phone booth while a Ugandan man tried to sell us his homemade CD. I talked to J. Bo almost the whole way on the bus. Needless to say, he was amused. After we got home, I decided to get online really fast and check my email. Of course, Adam was online so I ended up sitting on skype with him until 7:30 in the morning. When I realized breakfast was being served downstairs is when I really just had to go. My poor roommate, I was just sitting in our room straight up talking ALL NIGHT LONG. God.

Now that youve heard the saga, hear the conclusions I have drawn from it.

A) I need to go slower with the drinking. Like, go ahead and get drunk but good christ. Im pretty sure these people still like me, but would it really be wrong of them not to? That needs to stop.

B) I realized I am too open. Right now I feel so out there, emotionally. Im constantly telling my friends how much I miss them and I love them. Not only do I think its becoming meaningless, but I also feel really exposed. I dont like people to know that they have the power to hurt me, so I'm going to stop. Now Im limiting the "I miss you"s and "I love you"s to when I feel it is essential. This is a new, not-so-affectionate Jordan.

To some of you that will sound hilarious, but I swear to God its true.

So I slept for 3 hours and woke up to the everpresent jackhammer sounds outside my house. Since I couldnt sleep anyways, Im going to Portobello Market now. Im still a little drunk, not gonna lie. For two days now I have woken up semi-drunk. The first time it was a good feeling. I was happy about everything I did. This time it was terrible. I just groaned and tried to pretend the whole night never happened.

I miss you

1) Cigarettes here cost £6 a pack, or like $12. That's almost a damn dollar per fag (ha, I love to say that). As a result, I no longer smoke except when I get them for free from friends.

2) My camera is broken. Damn piece of crap. I need to call Nikon and bitch them out.

3) I met a ton of really cool people last night. We all ended up at this pub and then going to a bar and back to our house to drink cheap wine. It was so much fun. Theyre all hilarious. I realized last night that I hadnt laughed since I got here. That ended and Im glad.

Its not healthy for me to feel this way

I would like to preface this entry by saying that I am lame.

After the residence meeting last night my roommate and I decided to go to the Apple store to get my computer fixed. I love the Tube, its so easy. Anyways, we got there and had to wait 2.5 hours to be seen, just so they could tell me that they're going to replace the Logic Board and RAM and I can come back in 10 days. Great.

Rebecca and I went to this super tasty little Italian place called Strada, which just reminds me of Berkeley. I love that we ordered shots. Like "Oh Ill have the pizza margherita and a shot of jack daniels." Ha, best thing ever. By the time we got back to our dorm it was WAY too late to go on the Jack the Ripper Tour and we were both completely dead, so we went to sleep. Yes, thats right, I went to sleep at 10 instead of going out like a normal human.

This morning we had a totally sweet coach tour of London and saw basically everything. We saw the normal sights like the Tower Bridge, the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, Tate Modern, the Globe, Trafalgar Square, Big Ben, etc. We also drove by Zizzi, which served me the only decent food I found in all of London last time I was here, and Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, where Robyn supposedly lost her wallet (I'm still pissed off about Cera's "secret pocket").

So now Im sitting here, biding my time until 5, when I am going to Giraffe for 2 for 1 drinks. Thats right, I know how to live cheaply.

Brown skin... I cant tell where yours begins

Well, I'm here. It took me so long to get here and drained me of all my energy, but its done and Im pretty much over my jet lag.

The flight was 10 hours of pure misery. There was a baby next to me that insisted on crying the whole damn time. By the end I was literally laying there fantasizing about punching a 10 month old. I just wanted to deck this kid. This was when I realized that my children, should I choose to have any, will be at SERIOUS risk for shaken baby syndrome. Then I waited an hour to get through customs, was the last person on my flight to get my luggage, hauled it to the train station, and took an express train into the city. Then I took a taxi from Paddington Station to my dorm and hauled approximately 85 pounds of luggage up to the 5th floor. Yeah, no elevator!

My roommate, Rebecca, seems really chill. (Davies- She goes to WM.. and her best friend went to Bath with you... WEIRD) I know were going to get along. No telling if we'll be great friends or not, but I'm pretty sure well be friendly at least. Our room is sort of small, but all my shit fits in it and we have a pretty view. I slept from 3 to like 9 yesterday, but then I woke up and took a walk around the neighborhood. When I got back, me and Rebecca decided to go out. We found this really sweet pub called the Greyhound and proceeded to have a shot and a sex on the beach until we were kicked out at midnight. I love that smoking indoors is socially appropriate. Then we walked around the neighborhood for awhile in the rain, unpacked our shit, showered, and went to bed.

This morning we had a mandatory orientation meeting thing at 9:30, which was pretty boring. After that was done, me and Rebecca went to lunch at this really good place on Kensington High Street and ran some errands. I bought shampoo, conditioner, a shower tote, and a hair dryer... EXCITING! I also got an oyster card for the Tube and exchanged some money so I actually have cash. Then I went to internet orientation and sat down for a little old fashioned facebook stalking.

My computer is still broken. I havent had a chance to go to the Apple Store yet. Ill probably do it tomorrow. In 25 minutes I have a mandatory hall meeting, which will be followed by a Jack the Ripper Walking Tour. I think I'll probably go out tonight again because I need to meet more people. So far its just the roommate and that one girl I had spoken to before this, Alex. Im used to my network of lovelies.

Speaking of which, I miss the hell out of you people.
31 days until Sara gets here
36 days until Kelley gets here
65 days until Adam gets here

I couldnt be happier... except maybe if it werent raining and if my lovers were with me. Sigh.

I got my shit together, but lord knows where I'm going

Justin is gone. Sara is gone. Kelley is gone. All my shit is packed and ready to go. Tomorrow I see Robyn for the last time. In less than 50 hours I will actually be standing on solid land in England, and that scares the crap outta me.

Im finally starting to feel a little not numb about the whole leaving people thing. Sara wrote me an amazing note that made me fucking sob in my kitchen. I just goddamn love my friends so fuckin much, its nauseating. I've been talking to Adam everyday on the phone for multiple hours, I dont know how this is going to work out with the distance and such.

Oh and my computer is broken, so I will basically be incommunicado for the first week or so that I'm there. Call me if you need me... other than that... oh well. When I land I'm going to call my parents, Kelley and Sara, and Adam. I feel like most people dont have these three obligations, but I do. And I have never been happier to have an obligation in my life.

My relationships might be a little fucked up but they are genuine and they make me feel complete, so whatever.

She's on your mind

Seeing Rachel was good, I love that girl. Spending the night at Sara's was also amazing. It had been so long since I spent time with her, it just made me so happy. I fucking love that girl... and you should love your best friend, so that makes sense.

Justin and Kelley spent the next night here and we got memorably drunk at the park. I cut my hair and bought a cute shirt. Justin spent the following night here as well, and we discovered the best cuddling position ever. The next day we had lunch, got manicures and pedicures, had free cookies from an amazing bakery, and said our goodbyes.

Then came the best part- I talked to Adam!!! He's back from Italy, so we spent 4 hours on the phone catching up. I fucking LOVE that boy. The course of my life was changed in this conversation:

1) We are getting married so he can have in-state tuition. This means I'm definitely moving in with him next year. Sweet.
2) We chose the dates for his visit to me in London!
3) We decided on a revised summer travel plan... now I will be spending a whole MONTH in Israel with him. He's going to show me all around the country and maybe even Turkey. Then the two of us are going to Prague, Amsterdam, and Spain for a month or so.

I talked to Sara today on the phone, and it was really sad. I am going to miss her SO DAMN MUCH. Almost cried on the damn phone. 3 days until take off.... and for some reason I feel the need to list the people I love this much. I mean, I love a lot of people, but these people just make me feel like Im going to explode all over the place in a fantastic orgasm of platonic love. And, without further ado, they are: Sara, Kelley, Adam, and Justin. I will literally pine for those four all of next semester. Thank god 3 of them are coming to visit me. Sigh.

I am so ready to leave, despite this depression of parting. London, here I come!

I aint built like a supermodel but I learned to love myself unconditionally

My life is always exciting, never boring, and that's how I love it. Home can be so fabulous, as long as I have a plan of action. The last few days went like this:

- I hung out with Kelsey and her friends. A portion of our evening included stealing the plastic baby Jesus (Jesi?) from the tacky light up mangers in Santa Clarita. Definitely loved that. Definitely going to hell.

-Davies came with me to go out with Justin and his friends. We went to an excellent gay bar but got kicked out for underage drinking. Then we played pool at another bar where they dont card and sat around WeHo amusing ourselves. It was a good night, despite our somewhat lame underage situation.

- Beth, Lindsay, and I went to Abra's house in Santa Barbara. Once again I enjoyed the mansion-like spanse of her home and the delicious stylings of State Street cuisine. The company was ok too ;-)

- Last night I went to Tigerheat, a gay dance club in Hollywood, with Justin, Quinntin, and their friend Steven. I got really drunk and danced on a pedestal with half naked men. It was SO MUCH fun, I can't even express. I cuddled with Justin all night long then woke up and laughed hysterically in a semi-drunken state. His new nickname is J. Bo, mine is Bi-Curious George, and he's working on the "debilitating fear" experience. So good. Today was rounded out with an amazing lunch at California Pizza Kitchen at the Beverly Center.

- Tomorrow I get to spend the night at Pow-Pow's in Palm Springs, then head to Fontana for a night of excellence with Pacelko. On the way home I will pick up J. Bo in Hollywood and he's gonna spend the next 2 nights with me in Santa Clarita. (Yay for more cuddles, Im addicted to them.)

- I leave the damn country in 10 days.

- So I was given the opportunity to sign up for trips to Berlin and Paris! Here is my new and revised schedule for the upcoming semester:

January 15: Fly to London!
January 16: Orientation begins
January 22: Classes begin
January 27: Day trip to Bath and Stonehenge
February 17-22: Sara visits me alone
February 23: Avenue Q
February 23-25: Sara AND Kelley are visiting me!
February 26-March 3: Kelley visits me alone
March 9-11: Weekend in Berlin
March 12-18: Spring Break (travelling plans TBA)
March 24-31: Berkeley's Spring Break (someone will be visiting me- either J. Bo, Adam, or Teresa)
April 6-9: Easter Weekend in Scotland
April 13-15: Weekend in Paris
April 20-23: Easter Break (travelling plans TBA)
May 11-???: Travelling around Europe... Amsterdam, Prague, Vienna, Venice, Rome, Athens, Tel Aviv

OH MY GOD I'M SO EXCITED!

Youre what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead

I rang in the New Year with many many drinks, a black bustier, and a triple kiss with Kelley and a gay man. I was on the rooftop of an AMAZING building in downtown LA, sipping a vodka cranberry and holding a sparkler. It was amazing, by far the best New Years so far. Hilarious, excellent, drunk, and (surprisingly) not too hung over.

It was also a strange night. I had far too much to drink.

Overall, though, an excellent and memorable experience. It made me realize how many people there are in my life who I care deeply for that I didnt even know last New Years Ever. It was very reassuring. Studying abroad is going to be fine. I am going to make new friends without problem, and they will be just as amazing as these ones.

New Years Eve was a great conclusion to a great year, but I'm ready to go. I want change. I want removal from everything I currently find comforting. Studying abroad never came at a better time. 13 days, I can't wait!!!!!!!