Fellas are just jealous cuz they ponies, Im a mustang

I am so paranoid.

I really dont think that my friends like me. I mean, I occasionally have this issue with the folk at home, but Im mostly referring to my friends here in B-Town. If they didnt like me, they wouldnt hang out with me... or so Ive been told. But I think I thrust my presence on them and make them feel bad about NOT hanging out with me. So does the fact that we see each other really mean anything?

Pretty much I just think that a lot of the friendships I value most are not exactly reciprocated as much as I would like them to be, and thats depressing. I think its because I hear and see all the trash talking that goes on. There are a lot of people who are treated nicely by these friends of mine, but then ripped to shreds later. That, essentially, is my worst fear.

Somewhere deep inside I know that this is completely me being paranoid. And maybe its because I accidentally left my prozac at home (eek). But seriously, this is upsetting me. Oh and I freakin saw Caleb a bunch last night and I never enjoy that. He is so unnecessarily awkward. I just want to go up to him and say "wtf, it was SIX MONTHS AGO, stop being weird." Several other semi-awkward situations are bothering me right now as well.

I cant wait for Gen to get back from class. We're going to the city and tonight we shall enjoy the fine stylings of Melanie's 21st birthday party. Drunken oblivion, here I come. Which leads me to another concern of mine... do I drink a normal amount for a college kid or am I drinking too much? No, let me revise that. I'm not worried that its too much. I'm worried that I'm too eager about it. Is my complete enthusiasm for alcohol normal? Who knows.

Ugh this has been a serious post. 2 days without my medicine and this is what we get... (thats an exaggeration, I've been thinking about this stuff for a long time)